Monday, 13 October 2008

10 Reasons We Will Survive The Recession (Maybe)

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A recession rears its ugly head and everyone shouts like it’s the end of the world! Ladies and gentleman of the planet, please, some calm! We have been there before and got through it, so why should this one be any different? Here are ten reasons for those of you faint at heart to take to heart. We will overcome! Er, some day!


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House prices will rise again. Honestly. At the moment, though, you know that things are beginning to get a little tight when the rich neighbors think about downsizing. Often when a market is depressed the asking price isn’t reached and the owners have to settle for less. Ain't that the truth - and wages seem to frozen everywhere too. So, who takes the blame? Well, it seems that the Treasury Secretary is on the verge of resigning. Not that he wanted to, there just wasn’t any money left in the treasury and it was the only thing left for him to do.


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People will come together. Of course, in a time of recession, an opportunity is at last presented for us to embrace our fellow man and work through it together. Or maybe it’s just time for the counter-revolution against capitalism. Who can say? One thing is for sure - stocks are getting cheaper and cheaper on Wall Street. Coincidentally. They renamed it Wal-Mart Street yesterday.


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No one will take fright. There is one thing that should not be done at all costs. That, of course, is panic. If we do that, we are undone. Modern life, though, can be very stressful. More bad news every day, it seems. Talking of which, news has it that the USA has developed a weapon that destroys people but leaves the buildings standing. Yeah, that’s right; it’s called the stock market.


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Let's face the music - and dance! People will remain steadfast. It is important, however, to keep your chin up and remember that the state of the economy isn’t your fault and that you will get through it intact. What often helps is to rehearse and perform a small song and dance routine to while away the hours in the unemployment relief queue. Give the man an umbrella and some rain and give the rest of us some cake to eat now!


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There will always be hope. Remember, the people who have been successfully running our economy for so long will always have a Plan B or even a Plan C should things go really pear-shaped. OK, there is a war going on, the economy is bad, unemployment is rising and George Bush Senior thinks he is still President (perhaps for those very reasons!) but things can only get better. Right?


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To get things going again, some alternative politics may have to be considered. After all, if something like nationalization of banks can go ahead, which is, kinda, at the heart of socialism, then maybe there are friends abroad willing to help out. If you have a yen to make a dollar in the future, your wish may well come true.


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In addition to us, the great (about to be) unpaid, the media will not be panicked either. They will realize the responsibility they have and refuse to stoop to journalism that will sell more copies but only to the detriment of the economy. We can rely on them to be as moral and as upstanding as ever they were.


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New economies will surface. As in any time of great pressure, people will find alternative ways to make money. It may be time to use our imagination and become a little more self-reliant. Remember, an "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job. So, if you don't happen to be a government economist, put your thinking cap on now!


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People will not get cynical about any measures that have to be taken. They will realize that it was not the government or the bankers who got us all in to this mess but their own unbridled greed that caused the present situation. After all, no one encouraged them to take our mortgages that were way too expensive to afford in an economic dip, spend money like water on credit and invest in Icelandic institutions, did they?


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If the previous nine points failed to sway you, then remember this. There will always be candy. It is cheap, affordable and it’s good for you! So take heart, without a word of a lie, there is a way out of this recession! You will get through it and out the other side in to that utopia that awaits us around every corner. Again and again and again. (Sob)


2 comments:

Glynis said...

Brilliant, simply brilliant!

lizzie said...

Great! Made me laugh after a shopping expedition to Tesco, which left me feeling totally 'recessed'!

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